What do women really want in a man? Does she want a man who will grovel at her feet, metaphorically or otherwise? Or does she want a man who will disrespect her and treat her like a doorstep? If you don’t know that the answer is neither then you’ve a lot to learn.
However it seems that many men who are trying to attract women or are thinking about how to attract women believe that the path to success lies in adopting one or the other of these attitudes with varying degrees of intensity.
Men and women are fundamentally different but have one major commonality, that being that we’re all human beings. Women don’t enjoy being treated disrespectfully any more than men do, despite what some Pick Up Artists claim. Neither do women have respect for or attraction to the kind of man who indicates to her in one way or another that he’s willing to subjugate himself be- fore her just to try and get her to like him.
Contrary to some opinion, women do like nice guys, but not “nice guys” who are pussies.
And the whole “Bad Boy” thing – as far as some men are concerned – is based on the spurious notion that what women really want is to be belittled by some super-confident guy who doesn’t give a toss if she stays or goes. Really? From a woman’s perspective, for “super-confident” read “arrogant” and for “doesn’t give a toss if she stays or goes” read “ignorant jerk”.
The thing is that initially, sometimes the “bad boy” approach can have the effect of coming across as being confident, self assured and decisive, and these are all qualities that women do find attractive.
Don’t Be Self Deprecating OR Arrogant
To broadly summarize at this point, what women are looking for are guys who will genuinely respect them but who also respect themselves, i.e. not afraid to calmly voice their own genuine opinions and feelings about things, irrespective of what her opinions and feelings are, and who won’t just roll over and let a woman walk all over them.
Women are looking for men who are comfortable within themselves so that they’re decisive, confident, relaxed and self assured, and not arrogant, obnoxious or basically insecure.
Women are looking for men who can be kind, gentle and understanding, but who also have an edge to them, kind of like a guy who can be considerate and respectful (but without demeaning himself) but can also take her for a walk on the wild side.
Money and Looks
Ok first off, being drop-dead handsome wouldn’t of course be detrimental towards your success in attracting women, but neither does it on its own mean that you’re home free. Looks count for quite a lot with regard to first impressions, but with most women that “first impression” doesn’t last very long.
Very soon, sometimes within a matter of seconds after a good looking guy has introduced himself to a woman, she’s already searching or more accurately feeling beyond the superficial packaging and trying to get an impression of what’s inside.
Qualities Of An Attractive Man
Despite decades of pandering and posturing over gender equality, men and women are and always have been equal insofar as some men are better and smarter at some things than some women are, and some women are better and smarter at some things than some men are.
Most women want to feel like and be treated like women, in much the same way that most men want to feel like and be treated like men. What does that mean as far as women are concerned?
It means first of all that women are not attracted to guys who are wimps with no self respect or to guys who are arrogant, conceited and obnoxious.
Women are attracted to guys who are sufficiently relaxed and comfortable within their own skin to have genuine confidence and self assuredness in themselves. Not brash and boastful, not needy, insecure and desperate to please.
Women are attracted to men who make a positive emotional impression on them, and also if a woman feels that a man is “equal” to or “better” than her she will be at least in some ways attracted to him. Women are not attracted to men who they perceive (rightly or wrongly) as being emotionally or psycho- logically weaker than they are. Women perceive men who are genuinely self confident as being “equal” to or “better” than them.
Women – particularly beautiful women – are attracted to guys who are different to the usual parade of slightly pathetic hopefuls or brash and cheesy one-line artists who hit on them constantly.
As a man you need to develop the confidence and the intuitive sense that tells you what to say or do that will interest and even intrigue her, to present her with interesting and potentially exciting possibilities.
It’s important to remember that developing that kind of confidence doesn’t involve trying to be someone you’re not, it’s about learning to be yourself, about learning to be a more confident and positive minded version of yourself.
Take Care Of Your Appearance
An attractive man is a man who takes care of himself. Women are in some ways almost like electronic scanners, meaning that they don’t miss a thing especially where meeting a man for the first time is concerned. Within a short timeframe she’s unconsciously rapid-scanned you from head to toe and has filed away a positive or negative report.
Make Her Laugh
Women like men who can make them laugh. Not of course at you but with you. One of the biggest mistakes some men make with women is sacrificing their dignity by trying to act the clown. A good sense of humour is definitely a plus, in fact a requirement, but silly, oafish behavior is not.
A genuinely funny comment or gentle, jocular teasing shows that you can be lighthearted and fun to be with and don’t take things too seriously, and will do wonders in breaking down barriers, physical and otherwise, and also helps to build rapport.
Keeping Your Cool
Being a truly cool character requires that you are able to properly deal with what to some men seems or comes across like unwarranted hostility from women. It can be easy in some circumstances or situations to get the impression that some women have just really got it in for guys.
Some of them – for whatever reasons – do, in the same way that there are some men who consciously and/or unconsciously dislike women. That’s a fact but it’s also a fact that the genuine man haters and woman haters are actually pretty few and far between.
The vast majority of women don’t dislike men generally, at least not all of the time, and just tend to see them pretty much as they are, either leaning to- wards being attractive, unattractive or all sorts of points in between.
Many men are inwardly afraid to approach women directly. One of the main reasons for this is because they hardly ever do it! And one of the main reasons why they hardly ever do it is because they’re inwardly afraid of rejection, and this creates and sustains a kind of psychological circle of anxiety and self doubt, which leads to standing at the bar alone or sitting home alone wondering how you’re ever going to attract a woman.
Another reason why some men become partly or even entirely isolated from women appears to them to be circumstantial, meaning that they think that they just don’t have the opportunities to actually meet women. However it’s at least often the case that it’s not the opportunity that’s missing but the actual will to overcome the fear of rejection.
As far as opportunity is concerned, it’s almost absurd to think that you “can’t” meet women. Even if you lived in some remote and isolated area if you have internet access you could contact hundreds of women, and of course most men don’t live in remote and isolated areas.
Fear Of Rejection – Self Doubt And Anxiety
Everyone – well almost everyone – has an ego and no one likes it when it takes a bit of a knock, real or imagined. Rejection – for those who haven’t over- come the fear of it – isn’t nice for anyone, male or female.
But imagine if you could summon up the courage to go out and deliberately approach as many women as you could and tell them that you’d like to get to know them and ask for their phone numbers, knowing in advance that you’re going to be rejected every time, well, perhaps almost every time.
Whether you were rejected almost every time or every time is beside the point. The point is that once you learn to approach this with a nonchalant attitude you would be more naturally relaxed in your approach and therefore – sort of paradoxically – much more likely to get a positive response!
Body Language & Eye Contact
Many people, on the conscious level at least, are not aware of or have any real understanding of the significance of body language and voice tonality in male-female relationships, in fact all human relationships and interactions.
When meeting or approaching a woman – especially a woman you’ve never met before – non verbal communication is just as if not more important than what you actually say.
Obviously this doesn’t mean that what you actually say carries no weight whatsoever, but how you carry yourself and how you say what you actually say is more important than what you actually say.
You could have what you thought was the best “opening line” in the world, but if your body language and manner of speech doesn’t tick the right boxes in her subconscious then that “fantastic” line just isn’t going to work.
For at least several decades now it’s been acknowledged that non verbal communication – body language or “kinesics” – actually accounts for some- thing like 70% of the either positive or negative impression that the person you’re meeting or introducing yourself to subconsciously takes in about you.
According to experts and psychologists in the field the impression received from your body language is – usually subconsciously – absorbed first, your tone of voice second and the actual words used third.
Positive body language and voice tonality comes naturally and effortlessly to two types of men, those who are naturally confident in themselves and those who have learned to be naturally confident in themselves.
When some men approach and/or meet attractive women they just don’t know what to say. Even if they’d never had the fear of rejection when the time comes to open their mouths and actually say something it can all fall apart be- cause they suddenly become at a loss for words.
That’s because they read too much into what’s actually involved in starting a conversation with a woman and think that it’s crucially important to kick off with some kind of super witty or meaningful statement or some kind of “killer” line which in some mysterious way will instantly captivate her.
There are no killer lines which in and of themselves will instantly cause a woman to be attracted to you. Remember it’s not what you say but how you say it and how that makes her feel about you.
If you’d just met a male friend would you be worried about what to talk about? Would you be at a loss for words and find yourself tempted to use some kind of “line” to try to impress him in some way? Starting a conversation with a woman you’ve just met is in some ways a different thing but why should it be all that different?
Quite simply, honesty is the best policy. Not the tactless or crude type of “honesty” but the kind of honesty – or naturalness – that just naturally shines through when you start to talk to a woman without any preconceived notions or hopes about the outcome of the conversation, when you’re relaxed and confident because you’re not concerned if she’s going to “reject” you and when you’re not feeling insecure and so have no need or desire to try to “impress” her. In other words, you’ve started to talk to her simply because you want to talk to her and find out if you like her.
Opening A Conversation
Ok, so you’re in a bar or a shopping mall – wherever or whatever – and you’ve spotted an attractive woman who looks like she might appeal to you. You’re not thinking about whether you’ll appeal to her or not, just be honest with yourself and accept that you’d like to talk to her.
Breathe easy, relax your body and mind and remind yourself that whatever happens you’re as good as anyone else. Depending on circumstances either try to get near her so that there’s going to be an opportunity to start a conversation or just approach her directly as if you’d just seen a male friend. Relax and approach without hesitancy because there is nothing to be afraid of.
Then just say something, anything really, a witty or somehow relevant comment about something if it comes to mind or just “Hello, busy today isn’t it?” or some other statement that takes the form of a question which will give her the opportunity to reply. The main thing is to be relaxed and natural.
Go With The Flow
Remember to listen closely to everything that she says. Don’t think about or worry about what she might be thinking about you, focus on her. Hear and listen to what she says and when appropriate respond to it in a way that shows her that you’re listening to her and not just gawping at her boobs.
If it emerges that you both have similar opinions, tastes or whatever concerning something, then use that to identify with her. Create the beginnings of a bond by relating in turn to her something that lets her know that you’re on the same page with her concerning that opinion, taste or whatever. However never try to pretend that you like something she likes just to try to ingratiate yourself with her, only use that “Hey, I’m into that too” opportunity if it’s for real.
Women can be adept at picking up on falsity in a man’s conversation. For example if you asked her about something – what does she think about such and such – but you didn’t really care about the answer because you’re actually thinking about whether or not she finds you attractive or about what you might get from her, (sex?) she will sooner or later realize that you’re not really interested in what she has to say, that you’re not for real, and will start to lose inter- est in you.
Complimenting A Woman
You should only use compliments fairly sparingly and only if you’re being real and genuine about it. Never compliment a woman just for the sake of it, be- cause you think she’ll like you more for it. You have to mean it.
This is different to the type of situation that a lot of men who are married or otherwise in an ongoing relationship will have experience of, whereby let’s say you’re both preparing to go out somewhere and she says “How’s my hair look, is it ok?” Many married men would tell you that it would be counterproductive to give a critical response to a question like that, no matter what you actually think. You’d just say “Sure honey, looks great” and thereby keep the peace.
That’s very different to what I’m saying about complimenting a woman you’ve only just or recently met. Never overdo it with giving compliments be- cause she’ll sense – as you probably would too if you were in her position with someone giving you empty and hollow sounding compliments – that you’re not for real.
The main – and quite easily surmountable – barrier that exists to prevent many guys from becoming attractive to women is lack of confidence in them- selves and a lack of understanding of what it is that women really look for in men.
Sure there are some guys who don’t particularly seem to lack confidence but still have no idea as to how to effectively use that confidence in a way that doesn’t come across as arrogance, conceit and presumptiousness.
You know by now that looks and money are not in and of themselves the primary factors that attract women to certain men, whatever certain elements of the media seem to think. Obviously having money and looks is not a disadvantage, but any man who thinks that money and looks alone are all that’s required to have true success with women is revealing himself to be a shallow individual with no real understanding of women, and most women would quickly realize that however much they may have been superficially and initially attracted to him.
A man who is genuinely attractive to women does not necessarily have to be wealthy and handsome. Stop to think about it for a moment, and you’ll under- stand that to think that the only men who are really attractive to women must be wealthy and handsome is absurd.
There are some – not all that many but some – women who for whatever reasons will only align themselves with rich and handsome – more specifically rich – men but these women have adopted a kind of mercenary attitude and are not really looking for men to whom they’re genuinely attracted. To them it’s really just business.